Saturday, 27 August 2011

Day 5 & Day 6

We went away for an overnight stay, OH, me and doggy. I had to go to the clinic before leaving yesterday for my first injection. I still felt emotional after my sightings of several babies, pregnant women and pregnant women with babies! The injection is really straightforward and after demonstrating I can inject myself I will be able to do them at home. It was really uncomfortable though and took what felt like ages to be injected in. Felt woozy afterwards and had to stay seated for at least 5 minutes. Dreading the next instalment already.

Being away is a good distraction. We walked for miles in the wilderness and enjoyed each others company. The dog just loved the open hills and is now exhausted. My mood has crashed since getting home though. It's a reality check coming back home and realising where I am at. I took the dog out to do her business just now and passed by a young girl (or so she looked) with a bulging tummy. It'snot that I know anything about this girl and can say that her baby will grow up less fortunate than any child of mine would but it's like a minx is inside my head lashing out, screaming, kicking and announcing how unfair it all seems.

At one point today I remember smiling and feeling pleased with myself. What the incident was I cannot recall but it made me think of when I was pregnant and I walked around all the time grinning and it most certainly was about being pleased with myself and of course the situation. Just another example of how everyday life becomes connected to the desperation of having a child when this desperation is so extreme.

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