Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Day 2

Feeling all upside down today. My insides are aching and the bleeding is very heavy now. Woke in the night sweating and been to the toilet so many times I am beginning to wonder why I don't just stay there. Reminds me of being pregnant which reminds me had my baby been born he would have been a year this week.

Had a customer today who was experiencing residual effects of a miscarriage. It's her third. She seemed unaffected by it yet I was crying inside for her and felt myself well up afterwards at a few insignificant instances. My loss is still so raw. Even after almost 18 months coming to terms with the miscarriage seems impossible to me. I still imagine how I dreamed my life would have become and long to be pushing a pram along the street showing off my bundle of joy. I cannot even imagine what another miscarriage would do to me. It's unbearable to think of and it scares me to consider it being a possibility. I am 29 now. I don't want time to move any further ahead without having children. Another miscarriage would set me back even further. Here I am though worrying about miscarriage when I don't even know if I will become pregnant again. The emotional pain surrounding all of my fertility issues is overwhelming. I think a good cry might help?

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